crossroads decision: taking the path less traveled...

it took a little bit of time and no alcohol or tobacco to figure out how to deal with this unexpected juncture that i faced yesterday. i think what is really wrong is that i'm just being flooded with the emotions of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion from pushing out this story so rapidly, and now with the project deadline approaching the normal tendencies to "finish it up quick before the bell rings" are infringing upon me. fighting these urges is taking some work because really, i've written so much now, over 47,000 words, it would be easy to just slope off in the detailed style i've been entrenched in and give you a short and easy closing. i really want to keep up the style i've started with though and take the story to it's rightful end. which will probably need another 10-15,000 words to do properly.

i am not a normal nanowrimo-er though. i don't socialize with any nanowrimo-ers. i don't plan on going to the TGIO (thank god it's over) party tonight. (i don't even know where it is.) nanowrimo is just a motivating influence for me. a disciplinary function. truth be told, i do already have over 50k words finished for the novel and could upload and get my prize banner right now. the reason i say i only have 47k words is because i was doing some reverse psychology and trying to psych myself out. hmmm, now i can't even remember why. i think it may be a good idea to take a break after monday (the 30th), print off some of my chapters and start to reread what i've written so i can start to get an idea about the rewriting that is ahead. this may also serve to help me better assess how to proceed from this crossroads i've just navigated because i know that my tone of voice has changed a lot from the beginning of the novel to where i am now. it's all still me telling the story, but there was one point where i crossed over from telling the story based on things that have happened to me to telling the story based on things that i am truly just imagining. and i think the reader will be able to tell the difference. i'm not sure how i'm going to fix that yet.