HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLIVE BARKER!!

i am posting this at school so i don't have access to any of my personal photos of Clive and myself, sad to say, my connection with his energy is rather weak right now. my personal writing is at one of it's weakest ebbs. i don't know why my link to my inner words is broken. it must be that i don't have anything that i believe in anymore. i will go to the cemetery tonight. i will light candles tonight on this night of the full moon and this evening of the first rains of the season. i am wearing my power talisman from Ellen today. i am depressed, its true. pdoc told me this afternoon to increase my Cymbalta dosage to 40mg. let's see what that does. i am sorry Clive that i did not remember that yesterday was your birthday. i owe so much to you.

well, i'm editing this post since i first wrote it. that is in fact the picture i was talking about. and lapse brain that i am, yesterday, the 5th of October WAS in fact Clive's birthday. later last night i realized that today, the 6th of October is my fathers birthday. so when i went to the cemetery last night i made special effort to think of these men. Clive, my living contact to a spirit of life and writing. Eugene O'Neill, who lived on a hill across the valley and wrote himself to death... and my father, who just by bad luck of poor health died young. I brought 4 votive candles with me, but found that there were still 4 that had wax left in them from my last visit. so in total, i was able to light 8 candles last night. one at 14 year old Krista's grave, one at 20 year old Grant's grave, one at 22 year old Tara's grave, one at 4 year old Jenny's grave, one at 6 year old Callie's grave, one at 4 year old Charlie's grave, and one at 92 year old Charlotte's grave. the last one is at a grave where there is a broken wooden cross that simply says "dad" on it. most appropriate don't you think?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clive_Barker