crossroads of realizations...

 I watched two hours of a zoom conference today that was hosted by The Society for Scientific Exploration. The topic was Parapsychology. There were individuals speaking from various professional, and collegiate associations that do extensive research into the paranormal.

I had so many thoughts run through my mind and jolts of psychic electricity bouncing around between my skull and my heart. One of the speakers was a noted Bay Area parapsychologist and college professor, Loyd Auerbach. I learned about it and first contacted Auerbach about 6 years ago. Back when Scarlett and I first started to attend HCH in Lafayette. Loyd had been teaching a workshop/classes about the paranormal and when I read the flier describing his abilities and what the classes were about, I decided that I had to sign up for it. 

Turns out that the brochure I read was from the last time he taught the course, 2 years prior. But I was able to obtain his email address from the brochure and I wrote to him, asking when he'd be returning to teach the class here again. He had no plans to do so... but I do know that now he is living in the Bay Area again, and he is teaching courses through another website. He also does a live chat on Facebook, every other Sunday afternoon. The last time I attended that live chat, I became discouraged (big time) about pursuing training in parapsychology because of the cost. It's basically going back to college for me. 

Yeah, I fell into a deep chasm of loss of hope for ever becoming able to seriously further develop my abilities, and expand my knowledge, up to professional level status. That's been at least a year I've been feeling this way... Until hearing these speakers talk today.

I felt a deeper connection, intellectually as well as spiritually to my interest in dedicating my life to the purposes of parapsychological research. It felt like an ascended, awakened aspect of myself was stepping forward from my soul's imprint, with a sense of purpose and willingness to do what it takes to help myself become THAT guy.

But this is also how if felt. I saw myself in these few elevated moments standing at a crossroad where I can see who I've been, and what I could become. And maybe I genuinely am a "late bloomer"... I've had my interest in the paranormal since I was a very young boy. But maybe it took all the years of life where I've been peeking in looking at the work that others have done, accumulating a keen sense of awareness that not all those that are book-learned possess... Maybe now is the time that it's recorded in my soul's contract for this incarnation to be able to manifest from the universe, on my own, what I need to be able to go after this goal. 

A lot of Maybes and Buts in that paragraph... at the crossroads I looked back at the myself that could very well win this arm-wrestling match with my potential self... the weak, misdirectedly inspired fan of the paranormal that can only manage to write an unfinished "ghost story" novel... who is to ready to roll over and die, any day that has a too sunny forecast... 

But I feel like the new, potential me has grounded into my body. Perhaps I just received a walk-in who's going to wake this body up to go on and become a parapsychologist of note. That has NEW ideas just waiting to be constructed from the bits and pieces of knowledge and experience my life has wandered thru...

I guess we'll just see what happens. I did download quite a few books written by other acclaimed parapsychologists and added them to my ebook library... Let's see if these begin to have any power to draw me in to their pages...

I hope, and I'm almost sure that I'll have more to say about this...