where have ye been, my wandering boy?

 Well, I haven't been here, expounding on my thoughts and experiences, that's for sure. But tonight, right here in the now, I am here... we are at a pause in the pandemic where the tensions have eased enough to allow one of my favorite types of places to recommence business for the general public. I am sitting inside a cafe with my Chromebook jotting down whatever words spill out the front of my consciousness. I MISS THIS. And I have explanations for why I can do this, in a place like here, but maybe they are more like excuses than legitimate explanations. I feel free and open like a book when I can sit in a public place like this. The other key to being able to do this is I am free of the distracting energies that suffocate me when I am at home. There ARE some things that I can do well, powerfully, freely in the privacy of my own bedroom, like MEDITATE and give Reiki healings... I don't have anywhere else, yet, where I can go to do those things. So thank all of the Gods that they have built up my comfort level to do those things there. But there, I still cannot free my mind to open up and write. A cafe is like a freeform classroom, of sorts. You can study and concentrate here, without all of the academic pressures that being in a schoolroom gives you. and there are no teachers here other than myself and my guides who I always invite to connect with my typing flow while I write... anyway, see? Already my fluidity of speechful thinking has returned, practically instantly. I don't suffer from writer's block. Not the type that is a lack of inspiration or ability to put thoughts into a type... I suffer from the absence of a place to write.

So who knows how long this pause in the pandemic will last. I must push myself to take full advantage of this freedom and come down here (I'm inside a Panera cafe right now) as often as I possibly can and just open the page and hold the pen and let my thoughts flow.

The main thing I have to talk about is how powerful my meditation practice has been over the past 6-12-18-24 months. The last "class" I took at Intuitive Way was about 2 years ago??  No, that can't be right. I'll have to research my calendar to see when we were last there. Maybe it was only a year and a half ago... anyway, the "charge" I got in my soul from those mere 2 months of courses lit up an explosion in my soul that has only grown stronger and stronger. Also, I have come under the tutelage of the Ascension Teacher - Lorie Ladd... last year in particular her guidance gave me so much hope and strength... recently I don't cling to her as tightly as I did last year, but she is still a powerful guiding light for me. I have become able to do without the direct assistance of being in classes or having a direct teacher to control the flow of my own growth by being adamant about meditating daily. I took a workshop that Lorie held last year to learn how to "to channel". That was not as powerful of an experience as I was led to believe it would be because I have been hesitant about diving headfirst into trying to channel spirit messages the way so many other people do these days. So many people channel the Galactic Federation of Light and don't say anything very different. I don't want to jump on that bandwagon and add more noise to the already over-said diatribe. I do believe that I get channeled messages from my own spirit guides and ancestors, but they are not contained in sentences and paragraphs that I can write down for others to listen to. They are personal messages that play out through the course of my life events. But even hearing myself say this right now makes me feel like perhaps I could and should approach my guides with more direct questions for them to give me guidance.

I don't see a lot of change in my life. I mainly see an ability to sustain my life at its normal rate of mileage. I am healthy enough to do the work I need to do to financially survive. But I am not gaining any form of wealth that could enable me to do anything greater than what is normal. And seeing myself say this makes me feel like I should give myself a kick to try to begin doing something more. I have lived the last 10 years without any goals. Other than to just survive. And I know I've heard astrologers say that this is a good year for me to be able to achieve new goals. I've just been "okay" with things being the way they are. Hmmm, now I've opened a can of worms to kick around, haha.

So off the top of my head, one major goal I have is the desire to be able to visit my son and his family in Minnesota. At one point this year I thought I was going to have enough money to make a trip there this summer, but due to unexpected car repairs, that money is no longer available for travel. And I don't have any new idea about how to get more money together. I believe that this is something I could learn from channeling some specific information from my guides. 

Also, I've come to accept that my normal life is as good as my life can ever be. That I've gotten to an age where it's okay to just settle with the way things are and not get all worked up with desires to be something different or greater. I know this isn't true. There's no law that says I can't still become something greater or different than I am now. Who knows how much time I have left to live. I pretty much live with that attitude that I only have another year or so to go, but maybe I could stick it out and live another 10 -15 years, and that by setting some goals for my life to get better is part of what would give me some more longevity.

I've pretty much totally given up on the idea of experiencing the love of another human person in my life this lifetime, so maybe I either need to TOTALLY COMPLETELY give up on the idea, OR start to channel info from my guides about whether it's possible, worth it, and how to find someone... not gonna explode all my ideas about how I've thought of this from the past.... let's just see what happens when I get to meditate tonight. SEEEEEE?????HAVING THIS WAY IN THIS PLACE TO WRITE OUT MY THOUGHTS LIKE THIS IS SUCH A GOOD AND POWERFUL THING FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO DO! PLEASE DON'T TAKE CAFES AWAY FROM ME EVER AGAIN!!!