so much has happened, is it even worth...
coming to this place to say anything, any longer? I don't know. Probably not, but it is still a place where my writing activates when I have reason to self-reflect or summarize what's going on. So I'll give it a try now.
I was having a discussion a few days ago with a friend via text message, about a topic that I was failing to make my point clear about, and I thought, perhaps this would be a good topic to blog about, so let me think for a second whether I do in fact want to delve into that here and now or not.
Backtracking a little bit, it is now June 2020, and anyone else alive on earth at this time knows about the current events concerning life on earth - I won't go into any grandiose philosophy about all of that... other than to say I'm coming thru this whole fiasco rather unscathed, and in fact, I feel stronger as a result of all the turmoil that has befallen large portions of society. My meditation/spiritual practices are stronger and more effective now, for one thing. And for another, I did not lose my job or my source of income. I did not become greatly wealthier during this time because of the limit that the government puts on how much I can earn each month, but my work, my job, was easier during these past few months. I made sufficient wages in less stressful ways than normal, is how I'll put it.
So the topic I was discussing with my friend was about my attempts to use psychic/spiritual powers to attempt to win money from the state lottery. I've had an itch I can't quite scratch about wanting to win a lottery since my early 20s. Mind you, in all the years that I've played the lottery, I've never won more than $5. And that has only happened a very few times. I am not a gambler by nature. I have never spent a cent in a casino. I have never felt like I've had a comfortable abundance of money that made it feel safe to spend any of my money on casino games. No, I've never even played penny-poker with friends. In this sense, I have a very saintlike and religious reverence about the worth and use of money. Contrarily, I don't have any guilt about laying down a dollar, several days a week in the hope of winning a huge sum of money in a lottery game. I don't play scratchers, I play the number games for sizeable winnings which could substantially improve the living conditions of one's life.
Despite all the years that I have not won, I still have this nagging itch that tells me that I could win, or I should win, that I'm due to win, that I deserve to win. I've examined where this yen could be coming from in a few hypnosis sessions and got some thin insights into where the origin of this feeling could be rising up from past lives that I've lived, either where I was poor and desolate before, or where I might have been rich and wasteful before, but the insights from those sessions were shallow and fleeting, not healing.
The odd thing is that I have always seemed to have all that I need to be able to survive. I have never been homeless. I have never not been able to pay rent. But there is something in my mentality that yearns to be able to experience something different, or better than what it is I'm currently experiencing.
For instance, right now I play this lotto game called Daily Four, where you just need to pick four, single-digit numbers to win an award of $2-8,000. Not a life-changing amount of money, but money that I would like to spend on improving the looks of my car. I'm not hoping to win a huge amount of money to buy a Tesla with, no, I just want to fix up the car I have so that I look a little more respectable driving around town when I do my job. That I drive a beat-up ol'car, in my mind's eye to do my job doesn't really bother me. I don't care about the opinion of what others think about the look of my car, even though I do deliver food to upper middle class/upper-class neighborhoods. Honestly, I don't care what others think about how I look. But I would like my car to look better because I'll have more fun being in a nice looking car. I want my car to feel good about itself! You may not believe that I don't care about what others think, but I know it's the truth, so that's tough for you if you don't believe me.
About 18 months ago I got the inspiration to try to use my psychic powers to find out what the winning numbers would be for this Daily Four game, each day. I don't play the game every day. In fact, I've gone for months without playing it. I just got either tired of trying to "dowse" the numbers, or just became more readily satisfied with being okay with the way things are. But there are times when I will play every day, for a week or two on end... My success has not attained its goal, in that, I have not won any money playing this game yet. But I have gotten very close. There have been 30-40 times when I've had 3 numbers right, and the last number will be just one away from the correct number. Something that makes me think I am in fact pretty psychic about seeing these numbers. That so-called success rate is what keeps me trying to do this.
So in reflection, I ask myself quite a lot of questions about what it is that keeps me from getting that last number right. Am I praying to the wrong archangels asking for their blessing to see these numbers? Are my motives too selfish? In the end, I think that is what it probably comes down to. That perhaps if I were to swear in confidence that if I were to win the money I would not spend a penny of it on myself. That I would wholeheartedly and happily give the winnings to a charity... then perhaps my psychic vision would be pure. I have not tried this yet. I have not thought of this yet. But maybe this is genuinely the answer. Am I a fool enough in love with God that this prize I've desired for so long, I'd be willing to give it all away? Since I do already have all that I need to survive?
There have been other aspirations of wanting to win larger sums of money so that I could go out into the world and do things. I'd love to buy a home in the town my parents are from in Ohio so that I could live there close to all of the graves of my ancestors so that I could do the spiritual work of praying that all of their souls are indeed resting in peace. Maybe that dream and wish will come true if I really display that I have unselfish motives and give away winnings that I get from this game. I honestly had not thought of that before I started writing here today, so here again, is the power displayed of blog writing. You never know exactly what it is your soul and mind need to pour out onto this screen. I will try to promise to come back and tell you more if something changes.
I was having a discussion a few days ago with a friend via text message, about a topic that I was failing to make my point clear about, and I thought, perhaps this would be a good topic to blog about, so let me think for a second whether I do in fact want to delve into that here and now or not.
Backtracking a little bit, it is now June 2020, and anyone else alive on earth at this time knows about the current events concerning life on earth - I won't go into any grandiose philosophy about all of that... other than to say I'm coming thru this whole fiasco rather unscathed, and in fact, I feel stronger as a result of all the turmoil that has befallen large portions of society. My meditation/spiritual practices are stronger and more effective now, for one thing. And for another, I did not lose my job or my source of income. I did not become greatly wealthier during this time because of the limit that the government puts on how much I can earn each month, but my work, my job, was easier during these past few months. I made sufficient wages in less stressful ways than normal, is how I'll put it.
So the topic I was discussing with my friend was about my attempts to use psychic/spiritual powers to attempt to win money from the state lottery. I've had an itch I can't quite scratch about wanting to win a lottery since my early 20s. Mind you, in all the years that I've played the lottery, I've never won more than $5. And that has only happened a very few times. I am not a gambler by nature. I have never spent a cent in a casino. I have never felt like I've had a comfortable abundance of money that made it feel safe to spend any of my money on casino games. No, I've never even played penny-poker with friends. In this sense, I have a very saintlike and religious reverence about the worth and use of money. Contrarily, I don't have any guilt about laying down a dollar, several days a week in the hope of winning a huge sum of money in a lottery game. I don't play scratchers, I play the number games for sizeable winnings which could substantially improve the living conditions of one's life.
Despite all the years that I have not won, I still have this nagging itch that tells me that I could win, or I should win, that I'm due to win, that I deserve to win. I've examined where this yen could be coming from in a few hypnosis sessions and got some thin insights into where the origin of this feeling could be rising up from past lives that I've lived, either where I was poor and desolate before, or where I might have been rich and wasteful before, but the insights from those sessions were shallow and fleeting, not healing.
The odd thing is that I have always seemed to have all that I need to be able to survive. I have never been homeless. I have never not been able to pay rent. But there is something in my mentality that yearns to be able to experience something different, or better than what it is I'm currently experiencing.
For instance, right now I play this lotto game called Daily Four, where you just need to pick four, single-digit numbers to win an award of $2-8,000. Not a life-changing amount of money, but money that I would like to spend on improving the looks of my car. I'm not hoping to win a huge amount of money to buy a Tesla with, no, I just want to fix up the car I have so that I look a little more respectable driving around town when I do my job. That I drive a beat-up ol'car, in my mind's eye to do my job doesn't really bother me. I don't care about the opinion of what others think about the look of my car, even though I do deliver food to upper middle class/upper-class neighborhoods. Honestly, I don't care what others think about how I look. But I would like my car to look better because I'll have more fun being in a nice looking car. I want my car to feel good about itself! You may not believe that I don't care about what others think, but I know it's the truth, so that's tough for you if you don't believe me.
About 18 months ago I got the inspiration to try to use my psychic powers to find out what the winning numbers would be for this Daily Four game, each day. I don't play the game every day. In fact, I've gone for months without playing it. I just got either tired of trying to "dowse" the numbers, or just became more readily satisfied with being okay with the way things are. But there are times when I will play every day, for a week or two on end... My success has not attained its goal, in that, I have not won any money playing this game yet. But I have gotten very close. There have been 30-40 times when I've had 3 numbers right, and the last number will be just one away from the correct number. Something that makes me think I am in fact pretty psychic about seeing these numbers. That so-called success rate is what keeps me trying to do this.
So in reflection, I ask myself quite a lot of questions about what it is that keeps me from getting that last number right. Am I praying to the wrong archangels asking for their blessing to see these numbers? Are my motives too selfish? In the end, I think that is what it probably comes down to. That perhaps if I were to swear in confidence that if I were to win the money I would not spend a penny of it on myself. That I would wholeheartedly and happily give the winnings to a charity... then perhaps my psychic vision would be pure. I have not tried this yet. I have not thought of this yet. But maybe this is genuinely the answer. Am I a fool enough in love with God that this prize I've desired for so long, I'd be willing to give it all away? Since I do already have all that I need to survive?
There have been other aspirations of wanting to win larger sums of money so that I could go out into the world and do things. I'd love to buy a home in the town my parents are from in Ohio so that I could live there close to all of the graves of my ancestors so that I could do the spiritual work of praying that all of their souls are indeed resting in peace. Maybe that dream and wish will come true if I really display that I have unselfish motives and give away winnings that I get from this game. I honestly had not thought of that before I started writing here today, so here again, is the power displayed of blog writing. You never know exactly what it is your soul and mind need to pour out onto this screen. I will try to promise to come back and tell you more if something changes.
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