iw - healing experience...
Last night at class - the first night of the second month in ITP3, it was a training class (as opposed to a class when we do readings).. The topic was about how to clairvoyantly read a question that a readee asks. The main emphasis was that the more we are grounded and in a state of "running our earth and cosmic energy" the more clearly we will be able to see in a person's aura what the answer to the question is.
This is going to be a testimony of what information was given to me, as I ended up being the guinea pig for the class to experiment with. My seven female classmates all sat in a long row and "read me", finding answers to my question. My question was that i was wondering why I had started to feel sadness recently and I didn't know why. (Personally I did have some ideas of my own..) What they said aloud that they saw eventually led back to my original ideas.. I thought I was feeling sad because I miss getting to spend time with my best friend (long story). I also have been feeling sadness from missing my guru (long story).
So the "center chair reader", an advanced student said that she saw a burnt orange color emitting from my aura, even said that it appeared burnt and like a scar. Then she said that it seemed to be my father's energy. The chain of thoughts that this lead me to engage in was that if there was ancestral "sadness" coming thru, that the lineage of men in my heritage were sad that I was not living life like they did. That I was not a "man's man" the way that they had all been. This is a strong trend that appears in a lot of the readings I've had here and I do believe that I am progressing in transitioning out of feeling guilty for not pleasing them. It's a hard area for me though because I want to please them, I want to be able to receive their blessings, but I feel like their disappointment in me prevents me from pleasing them.
Back to my own interpretations of what they said, the color orange - which I do in fact associate with my father, I also associate with my former guru. And that she also used the word "scar", that is a nickname I use for my best friend, Scarlett. Missing her is my strongest explanation for this sadness I'm feeling. I could write another essay just about her and how her presence (and lack of presence) affect my mood and attitude towards life. I am coming to believe that she is never going to come back to having a friendship with me.
Well, another mini-reading of a question was done towards the end of class. We sat one on one with a classmate and read one question that we each had. I asked about why I do not choose to use my time better, working on the gifted skills that I have in my life; namely why I do not get serious about my writing and photography, and that I watch tv rather than write or read books. My long term answer to why i watch tv is that it supplements human interaction for myself. I get emotional stimulation from the people in shows/movies that I do not experience in real life. Anyway..... my classmate saw the same masculine spirits show up in my aura, that they distract me from believing in myself and my unique gifts. They make me feel guilty and do not support me in being my unique self. I've never had any of these men available to me in my adult life to speak with about what I'm doing. They all just observe me and judge me from beyond the grave. In a way this should be a redeeming thing for me, that they are not here in person to criticize me, but contrarily I do not have them here to say that I am doing well and complement me. In getting this realization, that it is they that detract me, it made sense but I only felt healed by the means of having better understanding of them. I still have to create belief in myself for myself to be able to do my life/work. This might have been better told if I had written it up last night, but this is the best I can do for now.
This is going to be a testimony of what information was given to me, as I ended up being the guinea pig for the class to experiment with. My seven female classmates all sat in a long row and "read me", finding answers to my question. My question was that i was wondering why I had started to feel sadness recently and I didn't know why. (Personally I did have some ideas of my own..) What they said aloud that they saw eventually led back to my original ideas.. I thought I was feeling sad because I miss getting to spend time with my best friend (long story). I also have been feeling sadness from missing my guru (long story).
So the "center chair reader", an advanced student said that she saw a burnt orange color emitting from my aura, even said that it appeared burnt and like a scar. Then she said that it seemed to be my father's energy. The chain of thoughts that this lead me to engage in was that if there was ancestral "sadness" coming thru, that the lineage of men in my heritage were sad that I was not living life like they did. That I was not a "man's man" the way that they had all been. This is a strong trend that appears in a lot of the readings I've had here and I do believe that I am progressing in transitioning out of feeling guilty for not pleasing them. It's a hard area for me though because I want to please them, I want to be able to receive their blessings, but I feel like their disappointment in me prevents me from pleasing them.
Back to my own interpretations of what they said, the color orange - which I do in fact associate with my father, I also associate with my former guru. And that she also used the word "scar", that is a nickname I use for my best friend, Scarlett. Missing her is my strongest explanation for this sadness I'm feeling. I could write another essay just about her and how her presence (and lack of presence) affect my mood and attitude towards life. I am coming to believe that she is never going to come back to having a friendship with me.
Well, another mini-reading of a question was done towards the end of class. We sat one on one with a classmate and read one question that we each had. I asked about why I do not choose to use my time better, working on the gifted skills that I have in my life; namely why I do not get serious about my writing and photography, and that I watch tv rather than write or read books. My long term answer to why i watch tv is that it supplements human interaction for myself. I get emotional stimulation from the people in shows/movies that I do not experience in real life. Anyway..... my classmate saw the same masculine spirits show up in my aura, that they distract me from believing in myself and my unique gifts. They make me feel guilty and do not support me in being my unique self. I've never had any of these men available to me in my adult life to speak with about what I'm doing. They all just observe me and judge me from beyond the grave. In a way this should be a redeeming thing for me, that they are not here in person to criticize me, but contrarily I do not have them here to say that I am doing well and complement me. In getting this realization, that it is they that detract me, it made sense but I only felt healed by the means of having better understanding of them. I still have to create belief in myself for myself to be able to do my life/work. This might have been better told if I had written it up last night, but this is the best I can do for now.
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