First ENERGY CHECK at IW
I'm sorry for not telling more about what's been going on at Intuitive Way. I should be writing up all of the experiences I have there because they are so very powerful. Earlier this week I participated in my first psychic reading where I was a part of the team of readers. Maybe I'll write some about that after I write the details about what I experienced tonight.
So instead of getting an "aura reading" like I had been receiving in the earlier parts of my training, now I get feedback about how well I am using the healing tools that I have been taught. I met with David, who is one of the founders of IW, and over the course of 30 minutes he checked out my abilities. Overall, I was pleased with the information he gave me. I am successfully "running energy", "blowing pictures", and have solid grounding. He told me that it appears that I am coming to terms with understanding what type of healer I am. This little bit of confirmation that I am indeed a healer gave me confidence to immediately put my gifts to work. I came home and within 30 minutes someone contacted me and shared that there was someone in their family that was suffering from a physical ailment. I didn't say, "Oh, I'm going to do a healing for them!", but I did say that I'd pray for them. Then I went into trance and worked with my healing master to do a very specific and personal healing for this friend's relative. I can do this without need for feedback because I get confirmation during the process that the energy was delivered and that there will be some sort of positive change in their situation. I think that I'll begin to get more and more powerful affirmations as I continue to do this more.
David also intuited that there was something in my background that I had experienced before where I got "spiritual highs", and asked if it might have been through the use of psychedelic drugs. I told him that I had experienced spiritual highs but not through drugs. I told him about the relationship I had with my former guru, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. He asked if I had taken vows with her. I said that I had not taken vows into her higher order of priesthood (to become a swami), nor I was I brought into her inner circle of followers. I had made personal vows in my heart of allegiance to her. I think this is a good thing that I had never been taken in closer to her than I was. It's been many, many years since I was as closely involved with her as I was at my highest times of commitment to her, so I think that any remaining grasp she has over me is pretty weak now. The main thing that remains in me is missing some of the manners of devotional worship that I used to participate in, namely chanting and meditating. She is who taught me how to meditate. This information was useful for him in becoming able to view more clearly where I have come from, and to see what affects my past may still hold over me going where I'm going now. I told him that just a couple days ago I was wondering if there was some way that I could merge the two systems together, where I could still have devotion to guru/God via the Hindu system, and do this new work of becoming a spiritual healer. He said that there was no way to merge them, that I go one way or the other. I am dedicated to going this new direction now. It is only memories that lure me back the other direction. I have no real life contact with anyone from that old life anymore. Also, I have no bad memories of what I experienced there. It's just that it's something I used to be, a long, long time ago.
So next David asked if there were any questions I had about what I'm experiencing now, and I said, "Yes, there is." I told him that I was going through something over the past few days that has been really troubling me, that I have not been able to overcome by use of the tools I have been learning. I told him that I was so upset by this "issue" that I was ready to pack in my training at IW and walk away just to escape the mental torment I'd been suffering. I told him details of how I was a member of a close friendship with two other people who recently decided to exclude me from participation in the friendship with them. And that I was exiled with no explanation of why, or given any sense of closure. He said he found that I had been wounded badly in an old lifetime where I was deserted by someone that did not give me closure, and as a result of that, in this lifetime, I take it very seriously when I am treated this way. And also that it is why I am extremely careful in becoming new friends (or lovers) with people. I didn't say it to him, but I was thinking to myself, "Yes, this is why I've gone 28 years without getting back into a loving relationship with anyone." He said that I've learned how to be alone, and that even though alone is not the ideal experience for me, I can live this way without suffering too much - but that it is sad because one of the great things in the world is to be able to be in friendships, be part of a couple, to be loved. Finally, he said the greatest thing to me about what this experience with these two friends that have exiled me is, that I can choose to be grateful that they triggered this "old wound" for me so that I can now move on and heal myself. That resonated so much with me as to be the best way to be able to get over this pain that I've been suffering. There is a lot more that has been going on in my mind about the thoughts I've had in reaction to this being ignored and exiled, but I'm not going to talk about it. I pretty much feel now like I don't need these two people. I'm as happy as happy can be without them. They are the ones that are losing out on being blessed by having me present in their lives.
So yeah, right now I don't care if I never become friends with them again. They chose to walk away from me, and I take that very personally as an attack of character judgment. I'm not going to be okay with them one day walking up to me acting like nothing ever happened. My life is better without people like this that treat someone so coldly and unrepentantly. I've exercised my sense of being grateful for this deep, past life being triggered so that I can heal myself. But I won't forgive them unless they seek forgiveness. Maybe there is still some resentment in my heart, but it doesn't hurt or bother me like it was earlier today. I was prepared to leave IW so that they could have their freedom to carry on with their training there without my presence making them uncomfortable. I belong there as much as anyone else does, plus, I know that I have past life issues with these two people which is part of how and why we were all brought together to be involved with this training at the same time. I am no behaving immaturely, they are. So they are the ones that need to walk the halls of school worrying about running into me, not vice versa, hahaha ;)
Okay, that's all I'm going to talk about for now :)
So instead of getting an "aura reading" like I had been receiving in the earlier parts of my training, now I get feedback about how well I am using the healing tools that I have been taught. I met with David, who is one of the founders of IW, and over the course of 30 minutes he checked out my abilities. Overall, I was pleased with the information he gave me. I am successfully "running energy", "blowing pictures", and have solid grounding. He told me that it appears that I am coming to terms with understanding what type of healer I am. This little bit of confirmation that I am indeed a healer gave me confidence to immediately put my gifts to work. I came home and within 30 minutes someone contacted me and shared that there was someone in their family that was suffering from a physical ailment. I didn't say, "Oh, I'm going to do a healing for them!", but I did say that I'd pray for them. Then I went into trance and worked with my healing master to do a very specific and personal healing for this friend's relative. I can do this without need for feedback because I get confirmation during the process that the energy was delivered and that there will be some sort of positive change in their situation. I think that I'll begin to get more and more powerful affirmations as I continue to do this more.
David also intuited that there was something in my background that I had experienced before where I got "spiritual highs", and asked if it might have been through the use of psychedelic drugs. I told him that I had experienced spiritual highs but not through drugs. I told him about the relationship I had with my former guru, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. He asked if I had taken vows with her. I said that I had not taken vows into her higher order of priesthood (to become a swami), nor I was I brought into her inner circle of followers. I had made personal vows in my heart of allegiance to her. I think this is a good thing that I had never been taken in closer to her than I was. It's been many, many years since I was as closely involved with her as I was at my highest times of commitment to her, so I think that any remaining grasp she has over me is pretty weak now. The main thing that remains in me is missing some of the manners of devotional worship that I used to participate in, namely chanting and meditating. She is who taught me how to meditate. This information was useful for him in becoming able to view more clearly where I have come from, and to see what affects my past may still hold over me going where I'm going now. I told him that just a couple days ago I was wondering if there was some way that I could merge the two systems together, where I could still have devotion to guru/God via the Hindu system, and do this new work of becoming a spiritual healer. He said that there was no way to merge them, that I go one way or the other. I am dedicated to going this new direction now. It is only memories that lure me back the other direction. I have no real life contact with anyone from that old life anymore. Also, I have no bad memories of what I experienced there. It's just that it's something I used to be, a long, long time ago.
So next David asked if there were any questions I had about what I'm experiencing now, and I said, "Yes, there is." I told him that I was going through something over the past few days that has been really troubling me, that I have not been able to overcome by use of the tools I have been learning. I told him that I was so upset by this "issue" that I was ready to pack in my training at IW and walk away just to escape the mental torment I'd been suffering. I told him details of how I was a member of a close friendship with two other people who recently decided to exclude me from participation in the friendship with them. And that I was exiled with no explanation of why, or given any sense of closure. He said he found that I had been wounded badly in an old lifetime where I was deserted by someone that did not give me closure, and as a result of that, in this lifetime, I take it very seriously when I am treated this way. And also that it is why I am extremely careful in becoming new friends (or lovers) with people. I didn't say it to him, but I was thinking to myself, "Yes, this is why I've gone 28 years without getting back into a loving relationship with anyone." He said that I've learned how to be alone, and that even though alone is not the ideal experience for me, I can live this way without suffering too much - but that it is sad because one of the great things in the world is to be able to be in friendships, be part of a couple, to be loved. Finally, he said the greatest thing to me about what this experience with these two friends that have exiled me is, that I can choose to be grateful that they triggered this "old wound" for me so that I can now move on and heal myself. That resonated so much with me as to be the best way to be able to get over this pain that I've been suffering. There is a lot more that has been going on in my mind about the thoughts I've had in reaction to this being ignored and exiled, but I'm not going to talk about it. I pretty much feel now like I don't need these two people. I'm as happy as happy can be without them. They are the ones that are losing out on being blessed by having me present in their lives.
So yeah, right now I don't care if I never become friends with them again. They chose to walk away from me, and I take that very personally as an attack of character judgment. I'm not going to be okay with them one day walking up to me acting like nothing ever happened. My life is better without people like this that treat someone so coldly and unrepentantly. I've exercised my sense of being grateful for this deep, past life being triggered so that I can heal myself. But I won't forgive them unless they seek forgiveness. Maybe there is still some resentment in my heart, but it doesn't hurt or bother me like it was earlier today. I was prepared to leave IW so that they could have their freedom to carry on with their training there without my presence making them uncomfortable. I belong there as much as anyone else does, plus, I know that I have past life issues with these two people which is part of how and why we were all brought together to be involved with this training at the same time. I am no behaving immaturely, they are. So they are the ones that need to walk the halls of school worrying about running into me, not vice versa, hahaha ;)
Okay, that's all I'm going to talk about for now :)
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