my journey w/kratom
I guess it's about 3 weeks now that I've been ingesting this plant's dried and powdered leaves. My ability to concentrate has definitely been increased. I can sit down to both read and/or write with less distraction and more focus. This was the main benefit I had hoped to achieve, and it has almost singularly been responsible for the positive shift in my moods. But not entirely. The other totally unexpected experience I've been having is this increase in physical energy. It's kind of deeply wound, the structure of this change in my physical behavior. Let me try to explain.
Up until 3 weeks ago I had deeply rooted, fear based limitations established in my mind about what I was safely capable of doing physically. The fear was mostly rooted in worry of over-doing exercise routines that would end up injuring me and preventing me from being able to either exercise more, or even just be able to get out of bed the next day. This fear prevented me from doing things as simple as going out of my house into surrounding neighborhoods for strenuous walks. If I was feeling really, really good, (physically and emotionally) and the weather was cool, I might make ventures downtown to a cafe to do my writing. But that typically only happened in the autumn or winter as I have a strong aversion to too much sunshine and the heat of summer. Yes, this fear was built up in my mind to be a bigger monster for me to slay than it really should have been, but I let it fester and rule my life - not knowing that I'd ever be able to overcome it.
Then I started taking small doses of kratom powder, and now I wake up thinking about where will I walk to today. Walking across town to the local library (2.7 miles away) was something that in my fear based visualizations seemed totally impossible to do. Even if I were having a powerful feeling day I couldn't visualize how I'd be able to walk home. Last week I walked to the library for the first time with a possible hope that a friend might have been available to drive me back home. Well, by the time I got there I felt so energized and positive minded that I felt capable of walking myself home. And I had picked up a large collection of books that I had to carry back with me. But I did it fine! No injuries, and no excessive muscle fatigue that prevented me from being able to get out of bed the next day. In fact, two days later I made an even longer walk into the next town's library - 4.5 miles away, and walked home from their too.
I've made two trips to and from each library so far and am now feeling strong and brave enough to walk about 7 miles to the next city over's library (where I could catch a bus ride home from) and even 10 miles in another direction to another different libaray (where I could also catch a bus home). I'm also planning on taking the bus and Bart on a very long journey to a city where there are a lot of cemeteries (Colma) so that I could spend a long afternoon just walking around exploring to my heart's content. These are epic adventures that I never could have contemplated until kratom began to change the workings of my mind and moods.
I have suffered from severe agoraphobia in the past, and though my reclusion as of late is no where as bad as it used to be, there are still some elements of being fearful of traveling away from home instilled in my behavors that have made me frozen in fear about trusting what my body was capable of doing. Now, that fear has disipated - and it's not even something that was on my agenda of things I needed to do to make my life better. It just happened on it's own. Now I have no hesitation or fear of making a 3 mile walk to the library and than hanging out at the Starbucks over there till closing to work on my writing projects, and walking home in the dark. I can assure you that I'm very excited about what the use of kratom will open up inside of me and lead me on to achive next.
Up until 3 weeks ago I had deeply rooted, fear based limitations established in my mind about what I was safely capable of doing physically. The fear was mostly rooted in worry of over-doing exercise routines that would end up injuring me and preventing me from being able to either exercise more, or even just be able to get out of bed the next day. This fear prevented me from doing things as simple as going out of my house into surrounding neighborhoods for strenuous walks. If I was feeling really, really good, (physically and emotionally) and the weather was cool, I might make ventures downtown to a cafe to do my writing. But that typically only happened in the autumn or winter as I have a strong aversion to too much sunshine and the heat of summer. Yes, this fear was built up in my mind to be a bigger monster for me to slay than it really should have been, but I let it fester and rule my life - not knowing that I'd ever be able to overcome it.
Then I started taking small doses of kratom powder, and now I wake up thinking about where will I walk to today. Walking across town to the local library (2.7 miles away) was something that in my fear based visualizations seemed totally impossible to do. Even if I were having a powerful feeling day I couldn't visualize how I'd be able to walk home. Last week I walked to the library for the first time with a possible hope that a friend might have been available to drive me back home. Well, by the time I got there I felt so energized and positive minded that I felt capable of walking myself home. And I had picked up a large collection of books that I had to carry back with me. But I did it fine! No injuries, and no excessive muscle fatigue that prevented me from being able to get out of bed the next day. In fact, two days later I made an even longer walk into the next town's library - 4.5 miles away, and walked home from their too.
I've made two trips to and from each library so far and am now feeling strong and brave enough to walk about 7 miles to the next city over's library (where I could catch a bus ride home from) and even 10 miles in another direction to another different libaray (where I could also catch a bus home). I'm also planning on taking the bus and Bart on a very long journey to a city where there are a lot of cemeteries (Colma) so that I could spend a long afternoon just walking around exploring to my heart's content. These are epic adventures that I never could have contemplated until kratom began to change the workings of my mind and moods.
I have suffered from severe agoraphobia in the past, and though my reclusion as of late is no where as bad as it used to be, there are still some elements of being fearful of traveling away from home instilled in my behavors that have made me frozen in fear about trusting what my body was capable of doing. Now, that fear has disipated - and it's not even something that was on my agenda of things I needed to do to make my life better. It just happened on it's own. Now I have no hesitation or fear of making a 3 mile walk to the library and than hanging out at the Starbucks over there till closing to work on my writing projects, and walking home in the dark. I can assure you that I'm very excited about what the use of kratom will open up inside of me and lead me on to achive next.
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