the cross and a crux...
strangely, i spent the easter weekend a bit obsessed with thoughts of Christ. not a lot, not as many as in many Easters past, and it's not all airtight either. i'm still thinking about him today and it may take a few more days before i get the things figured out right now that i need figured out. it started weeks ago when they started serving fish and chip dinners at St. Raymond's on Friday nights for Lent. when i get near or go into a Catholic church, i get flashbacks to when I lived in Ireland, where the doors of Catholic churches are open every single day and people go in and out of them for the purpose churches were built for. i miss that. i used to enter a church in Ireland every single day I was there and I wasn't even Catholic. i'm still not. but i got this thing for Jesus. a respect thing.
i watched a clip from Jesus Christ Superstar the other night on my phone (via youtube), the scene of Judas' death. totally made me cry. i used to watch JCS several times a year, not just during easter week. i haven't seen it yet this year but will probably watch it in the next day or so. right now i'm in the middle of The Last Temptation of Christ. 3 days now watching, digesting it. after all, it's what turned me away from "the church" in the first place. high honors.
Good Friday was spent with a very powerful young woman in a cemetery creating art. we discussed ahead of time that we were shooting on Good Friday and agreed that it was opportune for intensifying our awareness while we worked together. she's an athiest, i'm agnostic, but we both grew up on Jesus, so we just wanted to imbibe more of the essence of awareness of death and the beyond. it worked well.
so my crux is heavy and wearing on my heart. i am considering going in a new direction with "my art" and it's opened a debate in my mind. recently one of my models asked me if i would be interested in shooting a "suicide girls" set for her. i know what suicide girls is, but have never given serious thought to the idea of seeking out someone to do that sort of shoot with. it's caused me to investigate sg's a little more, and for the most part i think the majority of that photography is not "high art", which is the standard i aim for.
i have photographed nudes though, and i've aimed to make those images artistic and not pornographic. i am not interested in creating pornography, or being mistaken for a pornographer. in suicide girls, for the most part, the models are "the art". what they have done with their bodies... i guess. i mean, there are technical photographers that set up a good studio-like environment with lights and all that to make it really easy to make anyone look good in photographs. i want something more than that. and this may be what the barbs in the crux are for me.
i started thinking that if i shoot a Suicide Girl or two, i could start to charge for the service of doing this type of work. "Wanna get in Suicide Girls? Hire Daryl Darko!" and i even took this a step further and changed my profile, again, on Model Mayhem. now it says that i only accept paid jobs and that i can/will shoot you for Suicide Girls/Zivity/Gods Girls. yes, i've crossed the line. haha, cruxed the line. i've sold myself out.
well, not entirely. yet. no one has hired me. but there are four models that do want me to shoot them so they can get their sets into these sites. i was offered a month's free membership to Zivity, so i could look around the site, see the work being submitted there. there is a TON of stuff there that i would not be comfortable shooting. i've only seen a few sets of work that i consider to be art, which is a little sad because this site is supposed to be the elite gathering place for erotica. there are too many women that just want to show their bodies, too many technical photographers that want to show they know how to use their equipment and not enough artists. and maybe i'm totally mistaken in thinking that my own work is art.
i don't know what i'm going to do, yet. two of these models, i've shot before. their in my CG collection and in a way, i'm really shy about going this step further with them. i mean, i know they trust me and feel safe with me, it's taking a step further into the bond of the relationship of model and artist though, i think.
it feels different than the nude models i've hired. it was their own personal practices to model nude. these girls, we're close acquaintances, and it feels different... stay tuned.
i watched a clip from Jesus Christ Superstar the other night on my phone (via youtube), the scene of Judas' death. totally made me cry. i used to watch JCS several times a year, not just during easter week. i haven't seen it yet this year but will probably watch it in the next day or so. right now i'm in the middle of The Last Temptation of Christ. 3 days now watching, digesting it. after all, it's what turned me away from "the church" in the first place. high honors.
Good Friday was spent with a very powerful young woman in a cemetery creating art. we discussed ahead of time that we were shooting on Good Friday and agreed that it was opportune for intensifying our awareness while we worked together. she's an athiest, i'm agnostic, but we both grew up on Jesus, so we just wanted to imbibe more of the essence of awareness of death and the beyond. it worked well.
so my crux is heavy and wearing on my heart. i am considering going in a new direction with "my art" and it's opened a debate in my mind. recently one of my models asked me if i would be interested in shooting a "suicide girls" set for her. i know what suicide girls is, but have never given serious thought to the idea of seeking out someone to do that sort of shoot with. it's caused me to investigate sg's a little more, and for the most part i think the majority of that photography is not "high art", which is the standard i aim for.
i have photographed nudes though, and i've aimed to make those images artistic and not pornographic. i am not interested in creating pornography, or being mistaken for a pornographer. in suicide girls, for the most part, the models are "the art". what they have done with their bodies... i guess. i mean, there are technical photographers that set up a good studio-like environment with lights and all that to make it really easy to make anyone look good in photographs. i want something more than that. and this may be what the barbs in the crux are for me.
i started thinking that if i shoot a Suicide Girl or two, i could start to charge for the service of doing this type of work. "Wanna get in Suicide Girls? Hire Daryl Darko!" and i even took this a step further and changed my profile, again, on Model Mayhem. now it says that i only accept paid jobs and that i can/will shoot you for Suicide Girls/Zivity/Gods Girls. yes, i've crossed the line. haha, cruxed the line. i've sold myself out.
well, not entirely. yet. no one has hired me. but there are four models that do want me to shoot them so they can get their sets into these sites. i was offered a month's free membership to Zivity, so i could look around the site, see the work being submitted there. there is a TON of stuff there that i would not be comfortable shooting. i've only seen a few sets of work that i consider to be art, which is a little sad because this site is supposed to be the elite gathering place for erotica. there are too many women that just want to show their bodies, too many technical photographers that want to show they know how to use their equipment and not enough artists. and maybe i'm totally mistaken in thinking that my own work is art.
i don't know what i'm going to do, yet. two of these models, i've shot before. their in my CG collection and in a way, i'm really shy about going this step further with them. i mean, i know they trust me and feel safe with me, it's taking a step further into the bond of the relationship of model and artist though, i think.
it feels different than the nude models i've hired. it was their own personal practices to model nude. these girls, we're close acquaintances, and it feels different... stay tuned.
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