gotta pull in the reigns, keep the horses from galloping away in too many directions…

i’ve got three short story ideas i’m working on now, well, two really – that are actually short story material that actually have the potential to intertwine into a larger story. it’s confusing me a little bit because i think they are really one and the same story but right now they have separate origins and i can see ways to tell them separately and just allow them to have their superfluous crossovers without there being any outright reason for stating that they do so. i don’t are if this doesn’t make sense to you. i’m just thinking out loud.

the other thing i have to pull the reigns in on is the photography. there are some people that i really have a strong desire to photograph. and there are people that have a strong desire for me to photograph them. there is a difference. one fills me up with desire and the other drains my energy and makes me feel weak. i used to be indiscriminate and would photograph anyone, no matter what. now i am embroiled in these emotional tugs of war that take too much of my time and energy. and i just wish that i had a manager that could take care of these stupid affairs.

so the two stories… i started them both. actually writing them concurrently. for a moment i thought they were telling the same story, from two different ends of time; one from the beginning towards the end, and the other from the end towards the beginning… but i don’t think they are actually that simple to explain. one thing that is actually different/similar is that it is the same story that is being told but it is being told by two different people. yes, that’s it. one story. being told by two different people. being told by both people. separately. one tells the story in a time sequence from the beginning to the end. the other tells the story backwards… if you read both stories separately, you may not find it easy to understand that they are about the same events, but there will be obvious indicators… names, locations, etc. i guess it’s the building of a complex type of screenplay maybe…

not sure what is going to happen this week. there were two photo events in SF today that i was curious about attending but wisely, chose not to. it would have been good for socializing with other local SF flickr photographers but it would only have been a distraction from the tons of work that i already have before me. and now i just need to figure out how to become even more focused about staying focused on this very work, and getting it done. the other thing that i’ve got to start thinking about more, storywise, is the next nanowrimo endeavor. i think it will be another memoir-ization. going back into my teens and focusing on an analysis of my relationships, with God and women, and yes, also boys – because i don’t really think i know any real men, heheh. to cram that all into 50,000 words may be difficult because i want to talk about my experiences of puppy love as a teen ager, about my daringness in travelling overseas to find a bride, about what kept my marriage together and about what tore it apart, and about what has kept me a bachelor all of the years since 1989. oh yes, and there is a lotta god dosed into all of that will either explain things or make them even more confusing.

if i can get this short story out of my head before November 1st, that will give me a good sense of accomplishment prior to the big write-in, it will make me focus right now, and it will also help me not allow this distraction by these people sucking at me and my camera to overwhelm me. i still need to find this key though, this key to my obsession, to my ritual, to my inner chamber where all my waking day i am connected to just what it is that i am supposed to be doing and not be thinking about how to get focused.

and i think routine is part of the key. regular sleep hours and enough sleep. that was one thing that would have been good about going back to the college this semester; classes to be to at a certain time. and see, writing this blog entry is getting me focused; problem is i’m not doing it until nearly 6:30pm now. if i woke up and did this first thing in the morning it would serve better as a channeling focus for the entire day. which takes me back to ideas of Rashoman and Guru Gitas and early morning meditations… well, autumn is nigh and shorter, darker days in which i won’t be so punished by the daylight.

an interesting thing to share with you right now is that i am actually sitting in my car writing this posting. i’m at San Ramon’s Central Park. i was at the Danville Library earlier, where i was able to get quiet, and focused then they closed at 5pm and i debated about going to Peet’s but there would only be 2 hours to work there till they closed and the place looked packed with Sunday people… so then i remembered that i have this new wifi tethering application on my cell phone that enables me to connect my laptop to the internet anywhere i can get a 3G connection. (i haven’t activated it yet. just writing this free-standing, but am going to drive across the street to the San Ramon Library, get onto their wifi so I can install the app on the laptop, then see if i can sync up the two devices, THEN post this from the park to the blog for all of you lovely people to read…)  so be right back.

ok, i’m at the library and got the software installed on the laptop but to do the tethering to the phone i need to be connected via a usb cable, which is at home. i thought it would connect via bluetooth. oh well, so for now i’m just gonna blog this from my car in the parking lot of the library, connected to their wifi. i’ll blog tomorrow probably from the park!